Unentitled

Prejudice and hate
Forever tainted young minds
Reared by ignorance

With Great Power Comes Too Much Responsibility

"Where ya goin' doll? You paid for the night."

"Keep the money. Room's paid for until Monday. Stay here, take a couple days off. Just don't trash the place or I'll come find you."

She watches him pull on his pants with a small level of disappointment. She longs for his toned body on top of hers. Her hands running through his salt and pepper hair. He's no spring chicken but still maintains his boyish good looks. As she daydreams about the weekend that should have been with the perfect client, he stares back at her with eternally sad eyes. She snaps out of her daydream and realizes that he's gone into the night.
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"Hey Mick" the scrawny toothless thug nudges his considerably larger friend. "Mick!" He pushes the large lump in the back of the van again. "MICK!" He yells as he dumps the remainder of his stale, cold, convenience store coffee in his slumbering friend. Maybe that was a mistake he thinks as his friend's sledgehammer like fist slams into the side of his head.

"Why won't you just let a guy sleep?" Grumbles Mick.

"Lookit!" Sammy says while pointing to the slumped shouldered figure walking down the dark sidewalk.

"Da hell? Doesn't that fool know this is a bad part of town? There ain't even any streetlights working. Haha, guess we'll have to hand deliver the memo." He says as he reaches behind him to grab his favorite bat. It's been a long time since he used that bat to hit a ball. Shoulda listened to his agent and laid off the juice.
Sammy puts the van in drive and slowly eases it forward, shadowing the unwitting figure on the sidewalk. As he gets closer he gets a better look at the man. He looks like he could take Sammy. One on one that is. This fight ain't gonna be one on one though, Sammy chuckles to himself. This is gonna be 2.5 on one.

Mick had the potential to make it in the big leagues, even without the juice. He had the forearms of Mark McGuire and the speed of Kenny Lofton. Now he had the acne of a teenage boy with a penchant for sweets. As they get closer to the mark, Mick eases the sliding door open. He hops out while still on the move, stumbles a couple steps and catches himself on a parking meter. Damn, he thinks, I used to be better on my feet. He gathers himself and walks quickly towards the sad looking shadowed figure. His clumsy size 14 feet slapping on the wet sidewalk as he practically jogs to catch up. He's surprised when the man doesn't even look back. He really doesn't know what neighborhood he's in does he? Mick thinks to himself. As he gets closer he reaches towards the man's shoulder. Just as he's about to grab it the man spins around, catching Mick by surprise. Mick, off balance and still lunging, trips over his own feet and finds himself face first in a pile of rancid trash.

As Mick turns around and tries to gather himself he sees large sad eyes looking down at him.

"Sorry buddy, you startled me" says the man as he extends a hand to help Mick to his feet.

As Mick grabs his hand he swings the bat at the man's head. The man watches emotionless as the bat swings towards him. He doesn't even brace for the blow and the bat connects with his jaw. The force of the blow spins the man around as Mick winds up for another at bat. He swings the bat again and at the last minute sees the man look towards the bat with... What's that? A smile on his face?! The bat connects with the man's ribs and Mick hears cracking as they break under the force of the blow. By this time Sammy is out of the van cheering Mick on from a safe distance.

After another hard blows to the abdomen Sammy darts in and eagerly searches the man for any valuables. He's disappointed to find an old, leather banded watch but pleasantly surprised to find a wallet flush with cash. He pulls out the wad of money and ignores the coin that falls to the pavement. Sammy quickly searches the wallet finding nothing more than a few pictures of some pretty girls, clothed unfortunately, and a couple old people. At least there was cash! Sammy nods to Mick and his brutish friend winds up and connects with a fatal blow to the head. Sammy laughs and scampers back to the van while Mick lumbers after him.
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Well it would have ordinarily been a fatal blow but this mark was far from ordinary. A couple minutes after the van speeds off the man slowly comes too. Smirking as he rubs his throbbing head. This is just what he needed. To feel, anything at all, even pain. He scans the sidewalk and tenderly crawls over to the coin. His one year coin. A year sober. Well one year, two days, sixteen hours and seven minutes since his last drink. Drinking numbed the pain. He didn't want it numbed, didn't deserve it. He NEEDED to feel the pain. The pain he had caused, the pain of losing everyone he ever loved. The pain of knowing he was the reason they were dead. Some may call him self destructive, he called it atonement.

He gingerly stands up and walks over to his wallet. He bends down and picks it up. He feels a twinge of pain, not from the beating he just took, rather pain from the beautiful blonde smiling at him from the picture. He drops to his knees and sobs uncontrollably. Why had things gone so wrong?

He walks into the dark alley and slumps down against the wall. He quickly falls into a restless sleep that he hopes is his last even though he knows he isn't that lucky.
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He wakes up to a police officer's baton prodding him in his surprisingly not sore ribs.

"C'mon pal. You can't sleep here. Hey buddy! Wake up! Hey Willie, wanna give me a hand? Looks like we got one to bring in" the cop calls to his partner. This day is turning out to be a hassle already.

"Another drunk?" Asks Willie.

"Nah just some poor sap. Looks like he took one hell of a beating. Probably brain damaged from the look of the bruise on his face. Let's take him to general and they can check him out while we find out who the hell this guy is."

The cops lift him and drag him to their car. They dump him in the back seat where sleep quickly comes again. Faces float through his dreams. All sad, all people he has disappointed, let down, failed.

Suddenly he is jarred awake as he slams into the roof of the cop car and then back down to the seat. The car rolls to a stop, the roof crumpled, the two cops as broken as the windows. Disoriented he tries to push the door open but it is badly mangled from the roll. He hears what he thinks is growling and the screech of the door getting pried open. He looks towards the door and sees a large dark hand reaching towards him. The shadows on the arm seemingly moving as the hand closes around his throat. He is yanked from the car and smirks at the toothy face he sees.

"Parker, I've been looking for you" growls Eddie Brock, a.k.a. Venom. "You're a hard man to find."

"What do you want Brock?"

"I want to give you something. I don't need it anymore. Something makes me think it can use you."

"Use me? What are you talking abo..." His words are cut off as the darkness flows from Eddie's hand onto his neck. He feels a familiarity that he hasn't felt in decades. Like an old friend has returned home. The darkness slowly works it's way over his body, relearning it's old host. Finally completely covering the body that was once Peter Parker, leaving only his sad, broken eyes.

Once the symbiote leaves Eddie, he drops to his knees. His face sunken in. His eyes yellow with jaundice. "I'm sick Parker. Not strong enough to be a good host anymore. It knew that we broke you. It knew it could finally control you. Finally turn the amazing Spider-Man into the blood thirsty Venom." Eddie laughs and coughs up thick sputum that's dark red with his vile, tainted blood. "Have fun with it, I know I did" growls Eddie with his dying breath.

As Peter watches the life leave his arch nemesis he feels nothing. The symbiote slowly creeps over his eyes as a tear rolls down his cheek and falls onto his wallet. The pictures were strewn all over the ground when Eddie pulled him from the car. The last things Peter Parker sees before being consumed by the darkness are Gwen, Mary Jane, aunt May, uncle Ben and Harry Osborne. All of the people he failed. All of the people he killed. He feels empty, he feels sad, he feels angry, we feel hungry!

Puzzle

Deep down inside my heart 

There is a puzzle you can't even start. 

It is bitter and cold to the touch. 

Years of heartbreak feel like too much. 

I don't let you in, won't let you try, 

Instead of sharing my feelings, 

I'd rather die. 

If you happen to get inside, 

You better hold on tight cuz you're in for a ride. 

Look too close and you will find 

That I am controlled not by my heart but instead my mind. 

My heart is weak but my mind is strong, 

I have struggled with love for far too long. 

I have the words and have the feeling 

But every time heartbreak leaves me reeling. 

Karma's a bitch but a bitch I need. 

I hope you learn something as you read. My mind is driving 

Yet still my heart is thriving. 

Instead of a pit, a lump of coal 

Inside my heart is mostly whole. 

The puzzle is love and she has the key, 

I am just waiting for her to be known to me. 

Don't give up, you can never fail. 

In the end true love will prevail.

Morning Love

I love the feeling of you pressed against my lips. I love the taste of you on my tongue. I love the hot feeling you give me deep down inside. I love consuming your essence while you satisfy my thirst. You are my morning cup of Chai tea.

Inception?

Gonna have to bear with me on this one. It is rare that I actually remember a dream and this was... odd at best.

It started with me on a trip to Europe with a group of friends, of whom I recognized one, my college roommate. The only thing we did was go to breakfast, over and over and over. One day me and another guy were late to breakfast and it appeared as if we committed a grave faux pas. The waitress throws the menus and our flatware on the table in a big heap. I go to grab it and realize there is a mess of flatware, some of which I don't even know what it is. I finally decide to grab a fork, spoon and knife. As I am picking them up the European waitress snaps at me, in English mind you, and tells me she will bring it to me. I go to my table with my group of stranger friends and find my breakfast sitting there ready to be eaten. The same breakfast we had every time there, pancakes. Then I realize I can't find my wallet, money or any form of identification. At first I am worried but then I decide to fashion a passport out of a notebook and when I am done it looks like an exact replica. Next thing I know I am sitting in my house and there is snow on the ground and I catch a big black object fly by in the corner of my eye. I look out the living room window and see a pickup with a trailer full or 4wheelers or snowmobiles carom off the hill into the guard rail and speed off down the road. Then I begin to hear big booms and realize that there are explosions happening everywhere. I go upstairs where I find myself and a group of other people being held hostage by a crazy guy. I ask one of the people in our group if the man is armed and she said he is pretending he is not armed but he has a gun. This is in my house mind you. I go into my room and open a drawer and begin the process of picking out a knife to kill the man with. After I choose the proper knife I walk out of my room into the hospital, where the hell did a hospital come from? Well we start distracting the guy by the women in my group taking a bunch of xrays of my knee, apparently they are all nurses. After this I am walking down the hallway with the guy and I pull out the knife and stab him in the throat. This isn't good enough so I keep stabbing until I plunge the knife into his head and start moving it around in his brain. Then to be sure he is dead I stab him in the throat and attempt to sever his spinal cord but the knife isn't long enough. The next thing I know we are outside of the courthouse and the trial is over (I believe it was the dead guy on trial.) Only now he isn't a dead guy, he is a young teen but a brutal serial killer. Among the people waiting with me for valet service are his first victims, twins that look like the Weasley twins from Harry Potter but creepier. They both survived but the killer blinded one and made the other deaf. The valet is taking too long and one of the brothers goes to get their car even though we are all yelling for him to come back. He is gone for a long time and we are all worried that the killer has him again. Next thing I know myself and the twins are in a warehouse and they are thanking me for taking the killer out. Then I realize that there are two realities, in one I killed the killer before a woman released her book and saved the twins from publicity so they could live normal lives. In the other reality I was too late and I killed the killer after the book was released and the twins suffered a ton of publicity and scrutiny and I wasn't sure but I was thinking I was going to have to kill them too. Then I am in town and I flag down a taxi which ends up being a tuk tuk from Thailand. Its raining horribly and I tell him to bring me to my friend Emily's apartment. As we pull up I don't recognize the building but I go inside anyway. It turns out to be dorms and I hear a girl saying that the taxi was just bringing me and then describes me as a Korean even though I am as white as they get. I pick up a super light chair and start walking towards Emily's door. That's where I woke up and the astonishment began.

At some point in my dream I realize that the world is falling apart and people are scrambling for food, supplies and weapons. I'm not sure if we were being invaded or what but it was all rather scary yet it didn't play a huge part in the overall dream. I wish I could blame this dream on pain killers or something I ate but I think this was all me and my messed up brain. In the end I wish I could dream like this every night and if I do I wish I could remember them all. This was a very entertaining, albeit disturbing, experience.

Don't Need You

You take away my power
My will to fight.
The light turns into darkness
Day into night.
I'm losing myself
Never feeling whole.
You eat away
Consuming my soul.
You are the light
The light I crave.
Without you here
I must be brave.
I don't need you now.
I didn't need you then.
I am now a man
Trying the best I can.
I will move on.
I will rise up.
I don't need you
I want to breakup.
My mind is clear
My intentions pure.
My heart is free
Of that I'm sure.
You were my pal
You were my friend.
Now that you're gone
Help I'll lend.
I'll take my life
And what I've learned
To teach all those
Who yearn for what I yearned.
You are my drug
Forever there
But I don't need you.
Feel free to stare.
I am me
And I am strong.
Without you,
I'll live long.
My life is full
Finally complete.
With my friends and family
You cannot compete.

Haiku Cuz Apparently I'm On That Kick

Crow's wings fluttering

Darkness consuming all things

Contaminates souls

Feeling Poetic, Poorly Poetic But Still Poetic

Leaves fading to brown

Old growth is falling away

New life sprouting up.

Cherry blossom falls

Forever innocence lost

Ripe fruit to be picked.

Lame Haiku Attempts

Love is a wildfire

Blinding reason, burning bright

Never extinguished

Love is a wildfire

Burning free, consuming all

Never extinguished

Missing you I cry

Tears streaming down my sad face

Forever in love

Our Love

Our love ignores hours and miles between.

It travels far and enters our dreams.

It reaches over mountains into the clouds.

It searches without end and knows no bounds.

Our love shines bright and joins our souls.

When we are together we know we're home.

You

It hides in the shadows and makes me yearn. 

Sometimes I don't think I'll ever learn.

All these years living in doubt,

Now you come along and I can't live without.

You make me smile, make me laugh

There is no doubt you're my better half.

I'm your Romeo and you Juliet

This is by far the happiest that I can get.

Star Crossed

Star crossed

At what cost? 

Heart is breaking

Hands are shaking.

Mind is cluttered

Feelings shuttered.

Need to cuddle

Tears run in a puddle.

Nothing but despair

Forgetting the feel of you there.

Memories fading

Yet always waiting,

To love you once more.

Bucket List

Everyone has certain things that they want to accomplish in their lives before they die. The following is the rather random list of things that I want to do before I bite the big one. 

1. Fulfill someone's dying wish

2. Get teaching certification

3. Get published

4. Attend a Hollywood premier/party

5. Go scuba diving

6. Go on a treasure hunt

7. Change someone's life

8. Play in the World Series of Poker

9. Attend the championship of all of the major sports (NBA, MLB, NHL, NFL, MLS, NCAA basketball and football)

10. Fight competitively 

11. Visit Thailand

12. Run with the bulls in Pamplona

13. Visit Mt. Rushmore

14. Visit the Grand Canyon

15. Watch a meteor shower

16. Sleep under the stars

17. Compete in a canoe regatta 

18. Go skydiving

19. Swim with dolphins

20. Raise $1,000,000 for charity

21. Build a house for Habitat for Humanity

22. Run for office

23. Fly a plane

24. Visit the Mayan ruins

25. Fall in love

26. Hike the Appalachian Trail

27. Visit the 7 Wonders of the World

Note: This is a partial list and I am sure to add many more things to the list as the years go on. Every thing on my list is possible to do and none are "impossible". I recommend that everyone makes their own bucket list and if you are bored someday look at your list and see if there is something there that you can do and cross off your list. 

Favorite Things

1. Mom

2. Dad

3. Karma (my puppy)

4. The feeling of fall

5. Showers

6. Cold water running on my feet

7. Thunderstorms

8. Cold weather

9. Basketball

10. Movies

11. Reading

12. Writing

13. Friends

14. When the leaves change in the fall

15. Driving

16. Dexter

17. Learning

18. Helping

19. Fans in the summer

20. Air conditioning even more than fans in the summer

21. Making people smile

22. Making people laugh

23. Making people happy

24. Reality television (semi secretly)

25. Doodling

26. Cooking

27. Mental health days off from work

Tidbit

Always remember that when life throws you a curve ball, make lemonade because the grass is greener on the other side of the glass house. After all, you only live once.

What if?

So many questions left unanswered. So many things left unsaid. Eating away at me deep down inside every day. Things I have always wanted to get off my chest. Things I have always wanted to confront you about. Things I have always wanted to blame you for. It has been 25 years and I have held everything inside the entire time. The first and most basic question is why? Why would you do that? What could possess someone to hurt someone that they supposedly care about? How did it feel to know that the consequence to your actions was that you never got to know your own son? When I think about life, love and children I know deep down inside that if I ever brought a life into this world I would do everything in my power to make sure I was there to help that life flourish. I know that even though you have been gone since I was 2 I still inherited some things from you. I have your temper. There are times when I just want to hit something as hard as I can. The only difference is that no matter how angry I am, I cannot even fathom hurting another person. Unlike you my temper has gotten better with age. I have outgrown most of the random outbursts of rage. I accept responsibility for all of my actions. You left because you are a coward. You preyed on those weaker than you and when you knew that you had crossed the line you bolted. You could have gotten help and been a part of my life. Apparently that was too hard and too much to ask for. You chose to be out of my life for good. You waited until I was a teenager to try to contact me. Better late than never? It doesn't always work like that. I do have to thank you though. I have to thank you for leaving my life and letting me grow up in a loving, supportive, violence free household with a father that loved me like I was his own. You know, I used to have dreams that I was a child and I tried to stop the violence you inflicted on others. I tried to intervene but I was too small. As I grew, got older and bigger, I wished that you would show up. There were times that I wished with every fiber of my being that you would show up at my house so I could show you that I was capable of stopping you. Then I get the news from one of my sisters, another of your offspring. You are sick. You probably won't live that much longer. When I first heard this news I thought good riddance. At that point in my life I still wanted nothing to do with you. I knew that you wanted to talk to me but the vindictive part of me did not want to give you any sort of satisfaction while you were on your deathbed. Then the news came that you had passed away. I cried. I cried tears for a man that I never knew, never wanted to know. They were tears of sadness, not because my father had passed away, rather tears of sadness for myself. Tears of sadness because I would never be able to ask you the questions that had always gnawed away at my heart. I blame you for the emptiness in my soul. Yes, I could have called you and made contact but everything you had done previously in life made that impossible. Your actions when I was 2 created an emptiness in my soul because that is one part of my life that I will never receive closure with. I will never be able to ask you those tough questions. I will never be able to confront you about the things you did to the people I love. I love you for giving me life. I hate you for never being a part of it. I despise you for hurting the most important person in my life. But I forgive you.